one

"Oh, hi," I stammered.

He blinked twice, like he was trying to place my face.  His eyelashes were so long that I nearly swooned.

"Hey Natalie."

He had a bottle of shampoo in one big hand and conditioner in the other.  I nearly laughed, remembering:

"He's so pretty!" Kate whispered.  "Look at his hair, like a Pantene commercial."

"I definitely want a guy who uses conditioner," I said.

Now James wore expensive, perfect jeans, a soft-looking olive green pullover with a high collar and a military-style black jacket.  His hair was a mess, always bed head.  He was one step short of swagger; he smiled way too much.  The shopping cart was nearly empty, just toothpaste and a toothbrush.  Odd things to be shopping Target for at nine o’clock on a Tuesday night.  I had laundry detergent and a frozen pizza.

"Stocking up for the road trip?" I asked, knowing the team was about to hit the road for a ten day in-conference tour.

James did it again - blinked those gorgeous eyes so slowly the ground rolled beneath my feet.  He started to speak, stopped and bit down on the full rise of his bottom lip.  Even in the harsh overhead lighting he was all soft lines.

"I... I got traded. Today.  You didn't know?"

It was like a blindside, bone-crunching body check. Whoomp.  Impact rang in my ears a few seconds after his words reached my brain.

"You - no!" I was shaking my head.

"Found out about an hour ago, at home.  I leave in the...."

James had misunderstood me - hell, I didn't even know what I was saying until I said it.

"No," I repeated.  "Don't go."

He smiled at that, a sheepish grin like he'd had the same idea.  "I'm going to...."

I didn't care, I didn't want to know.  On the verge of a meltdown I could not take another scrap of bad news.  Unable to speak for myself, I did the only other thing I could think of.

I stepped up to James, grabbed the front of his coat and kissed him hard on that perfect mouth.  Background noise died, florescent light faded. I was aware only his soft lips, the warm proximity of his body and the sound of blood rushing in my ears, like Doctor Who's TARDIS landing.  It was the sound of something impossible trying to wish itself into existence.

James' hands held bottles; I would never know if they wanted to hold me.  Because a second later I pulled back, gasping.  His big hazel eyes were wide with shock and I didn't look for anything else.  I just ran.
____

For all my life I will regret not chasing her out of that store.  Instead I just stood there flat-footed with my heart pounding, holding things I could easily get in Pittsburgh.  While something I never even had got away for the last time.

Natalie.  Of all people.  In her spunky cranberry-colored hoodie and gray cargo pants, looking like some kind of casual clothing ad for Victoria’s Secret.  Dark hair framed her face but as always, I barely noticed anything other than her eyes.  They were shamrock green, so bright people awlays thought they were contacts.  Every second of every time I’d seen Natalie they were sparkling.

“I got traded.”

It was like telling her I was dying, and that’s how it felt.  Truthfully the trade was a great opportunity, but I was still in shock.  Nothing had processed except I was on the first flight out tomorrow to join my new team. Take only what you can carry.  

The look on her face nearly broke my heart.  We had never been close friends - couldn’t be close because I couldn’t handle it and I knew my place.  But in that second I saw she cared about me, at least a little.  Cared about what would happen to me next.  

“Don’t go,” she said.  If it were in my power, I would have stayed for that alone.

And then she kissed me.  I felt it before she moved - her fear and panic in that second were palpable.  The same emotions had been coursing through my veins since I’d the phone call.  Only Natalie’s reaction was a million times better.  Her hands twisted into the front of my jacket; I hoped she didn’t mind my scruffy beard.  Her mouth crashed down onto mine, soft lips glossed with something vanilla.  Kissing her tasted like cupcakes.

It look Natalie a long and glorious twenty seconds to realize what she had done.  She bled warmth against my chest, standing on her tiptoes.  I was stunned still when I should have thrown the shampoo like a Hail Mary pass and dipped her to the floor.  Before I could grab onto her, or the moment, she jumped away with a gasp.  Words, thoughts, breath all failed me.  She gently licked her lip, tasting me on her mouth.  Then she ran.

Like a puppet with my strings cut, I was frozen in place.  All I could do was my eyes.

Two years I had been waiting for the chance to overstep my boundaries and do something about the beautiful, smart and wickedly funny girl that ran laps around my hockey team.  I had dated other girls, had other fun.  But there was one thing that being a Dallas Star meant I couldn’t do, no matter how badly I wanted to try.  Even in my last moments with the team, like the last second of overtime, I would not have taken the chance.  Because some things are rules even if they’re never written down.  Even after they’re broken.

And we all know you don’t kiss the coach’s daughter.
____