five

This story was shaping up to be a slow burn, but I don't really want to wait. ;)
____

The trainer gave me a strange look over my elevated heart rate.  I shrugged like it was a side effect of the off-season.  Not a side effect of Jordan Staal eye-fucking the girl of my dreams in a room full of people.

I pictured myself fighting Jordan - of course I would lose; knocked over by one punch and considered unworthy of hitting a second time.  Jordan would just step over me and proceed with his high profile career.  And I would be right back where I started not fitting in.

Jordan was actually a nice guy, just not a great boyfriend.  He had a long-term girl who was back in Canada for way too much of the season.  Long enough that he could set his sights on someone closer to home.  He was a good teammate and fun to hang around but I’d throw myself in front of a train before he used Natalie as a one night stand.

I pedalled harder, throwing off all my workout data, thinking about how to keep Natalie from him.  I could man up and drag her into my condo by the hair like a caveman, which was how all situations involving women were solved around here.  I’d seen girls ditch TK for Geno, Geno for Staal, Staal for Letang, Letang for Crosby.  No one ever ditched Crosby - they were easy but not stupid.

Of course I could just tell Natalie how I felt.  But “I’ve been fantasizing about you for two years and that single kiss fueled six months of jerking off” sounded pretty creepy.  Still, she and I had shared that moment before any of this other stuff came into play.  That had to count for something - I had to figure out just what.

The photographer finished and moved on, calling on certain guys to be photographed and probably mining the group in the other room for more physical perfection.  I was not asked.  I did not not expect to be.  I was average, normal; never featured in the sports camp workout videos and the same would be true with ESPN Magazine.  Unlike Jordan.  Maybe Natalie saw what the photographer saw, what everyone else saw.  He was special and I was not.  As Bruce packed up, Natalie pulled one of his bags onto her shoulder.

Her patterned blouse fell nicely over her figure, fluttering about slender hips clad in black pants.  Simple heeled shoes made her three inches taller than normal.  Three inches taller than she’d been in the store that night.  I wondered what it would be like to kiss her closer to my height.  With empty hands.  What it would be like to know it was going to happen.

“Bye,” she said so quietly I’m sure it was for me.
____

I couldn’t get away from there fast enough - nearly took Bruce out on my way to the door.  We went into the mat room where other guys were stretching and working out kinks.  Not a single one of them registered in my mind.  I had Jordan’s sweat on my shirt - three perfectly round dark flecks.  I’m pretty sure his DNA is so potent that’s enough to get me pregnant.  I shifted my weight to dull the slow throb coursing through my lower body as it went rogue and tried to guess what Jordan would feel like if he did half the things he was thinking.  

All of them with their shirts off.  Was this some kind of joke?  A test?  James’ reaction to my arrival, Jordan’s reaction to my assignment.  And the blue of his eyes - stop.  I had to stop.  And possibly find an ice bath for my face.

One hour and ten thousand pictures later, Bruce was finished.  I all but ran for my office; dashed past the locker room and shut the door behind me.  The image of James was burned into my mind, but the soundtrack was Jordan’s sultry, warning laugh.  It felt like the heat was cranked up high.

I waited until I was sure everyone had finished - even these guys couldn’t work out all day.  Then I snuck toward the entrance intending to walk down the block for some fresh air and lunch.

“Natalie,” James said, stepping out of the coach’s office suite almost like he’d been waiting for me.  His dark hair hung in his face, a simple long-sleeved brown shirt covered the sculpted body I’d seen so much of earlier.  The color lit up his eyes like melted amber.

There was no one in the hall.  Possibly no one around for a mile of winding corridors and empty rooms.  The door clicked shut behind him, echoing.

“I....”

I have no idea what I was about to say.  There was no plan of action.  So when James strode into my space, pushed me back two steps against the wall and kissed the words out of my mouth, nothing was lost.

My hands went into his still-damp hair and held his mouth over mine.   My body arched to meet his, sticking like a magnet and drawing him in until I was pressed between his hips and the wall.  Those big hands held me down hard, like he meant it.  Like he was determined to show me all at once how much he wanted to be this close.  I felt every inch of the body I’d admired earlier; every rise and valley, every ounce of strength in the pressure against my soft spots.  His biceps were rock solid in my grasp and God help me I rolled against him like we were in a dark alley.  James’ tongue swiped past my lips and I gave it right back.

Around the corner, voices sounded.  James dropped handfuls of my body and pulled away.  I was left gasping, plastered to the wall.

Those hazel eyes pooled darkly, the color of fallen leaves, and flashed a sudden burst of fear. Then he spun quickly away, disappearing through the locker room door just as the voices and footsteps reached our hallway.

“Hey Natalie,” my boss Christine said.  “Have you met Ray Shero?”

The Pens general manager shook my hand and asked about my father, while I willed my ankles not to collapse from under me.  Inside my blood was a rolling boil.  We’d almost been caught.  Or almost been freed.  Maybe in this new life, it was the same thing.
____

I stopped at a red light, put my forehead to the steering wheel and laughed wewakly.  Six months ago Natalie had fled nearly screaming from an innocent kiss.  I’d spent the entire time wanting that moment back and when I finally got it, times twenty, I was the one to run away.

There was no excuse for what came over me, no good reason for my actions.  I had been waiting for her - but not for that.  There were words and explanations, questions and hopes.  But when she appeared in the hallway I just saw something I wanted and just took it.  It felt as good to push her against the wall as it did when her hips lifted out to meet me.  I forced her to admit, with that surrender, that she didn’t want Jordan.  I made her sure of exactly what I wanted instead.  Natalie’s mouth was busy but her body begged.

Then the interruption.  Thank God.  I needed a moment to piece everything together.

Natalie wanted me.  The way her hands dug into my hair, twisting her fingers and clutching me tight was like an announcement over the loudspeaker.  She let my thigh slip between then ground against my thick, hard quadricep.  I vowed to do more squats in case she ever got that close again.  I could hold her off the floor and let her work herself out against me all night, every night.  Maybe I could do a lot of things that I had never tried before.

Halfway home, my phone rang.

“Hey bud, the girls are buying groceries.  What do you want for dinner?”  TK asked.

Aw fuck.  I forgot that Allison and Kelsey, along with Orpik’s girlfriend, had planned a dinner party for Kelsey’s birthday.  It was a small pre-party gathering before a legitimate night of bars and dancing the next night.  ‘Couples Only’ is what Allison had called it, and laughed.  My stomach lurched.

“Uh, Italian?”

Kennedy laughed.  “Agreed, bro.  Unless Allison’s a good cook, let’s give them something they can’t fuck up.”

It was barely one in the afternoon.  Dinner was at six.  If Allison was already with Kelsey then I’d never get her alone before I had to be at TK’s house.  And I couldn’t walk into a birthday dinner and open by dumping her.  Which I clearly needed to do, and quickly.

It’s just one dinner, I told myself.  I’d get through the party and tell her afterward.  She wasn’t in love with me and she wasn’t crazy - Allison was a good person at the wrong time.  She would understand.  The ghost of Christmas past had just shown up with a sleigh full of presents and I wasn’t going to miss out on the ride.
____

My hand shook as I reached for the ringing phone in my purse.  The afternoon and drive home were a blur, my work output nonexistent.  The sense memory of James’ mouth and hands and chest rocked through me like aftershocks from an earthquake.

He’d been so... familiar.  The way I’d imagined James turned out to be right on, and kissing him was like the first sip of the perfect cocktail: sweet, fresh, exhilarating.  

But the call was from Kate.  It released a whole new wave of excitement.

“Are you ready???” she bellowed like it was Monday Night Football when I answered.

“I am so ready Kate, can you get here tonight?”

She laughed.  “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow... we land at 5 PM.  Emily will need to change but I am just wearing my party clothes on the plane.  Maybe someone will buy us drinks.”

“I’ll bring some bottles in paper bags for the car ride.”

Kate and Emily, my best friends from college, were coming down from Toronto.  In the excitement of the last two days I’d almost forgotten how excited I was to see them.  Pittsburgh was a lot closer to Canada than Dallas, and they had bought their tickets on the same day I accepted the job.

“So, how’s the talent?” she asked.

I opened my mouth to spill everything about James, then stopped.  Kate had met him once, when we first moved to Dallas - she was the one to point out that he had shampoo commercial hair.  She had always known about my crush on him, but as the only Canadian who didn’t care about hockey Kate had no idea he was here in Pittsburgh too.  Her friendship was so refreshing because she didn’t care about my dad or my job other than if they made me happy.  What Kate did care about was hot guys.  She would have either protested my move to the ‘Burgh as stalking or insisted on setting up a Christmas wedding before I even saw him.  

Let her be surprised.  Let her be as excited as I am right now.

“It’s pretty epic.  And if you’re good I might even share some of it with you.”

“How soon do I get to meet them?”

Good thing I’d planned for this.  “Tomorrow night is girls’ night, then there’s a pre-season game Saturday and we’ll see who wants to go out Saturday night.  Otherwise I’ll lose you immediately.”

Kate didn’t even consider the answer.  She just said, “Yeah, you’re right.”
____

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

Okay, Allison’s greeting didn’t sound like that.  But I was so keyed up as I walked in the front door of Tyler’s house that every small noise was like a gunshot to my frayed nerves.  I felt like Natalie must be home, watching through that magic mirror from Beauty and the Beast, watching me take a dangerous step toward fucking up.

Allison wore a black top and jeans with flip flops, her blond hair pulled back in very serious kitchen mode.  So pretty but she didn’t stand a chance.  Lifting onto her toes, she reached up to kiss me.  I flinched so hard it turned my face and her lips caught my cheek.  Surprise flashed in her eyes.  I corrected myself quickly.

“You’ve been tasting the food and I don’t want to ruin the surprise!”

She bought it.  I hated myself.

Kelsey and Brooks Orpik were arranging garlic bread on a sheet tray while TK peeled the label from a beer bottle.  They were happy to see me, as if I belonged here like an X on a Tic-Tac-Toe board.  Amanda passed me a beer and Allison showed me to the cheese-grating duties.  While I worked, she bumped against my side every time she passed.

Luckily there was a lot of personality in the room.  And a lot of alcohol.  The girls opened a second bottle of wine while TK and Brooks were threw back brews.  I finished one, popped another and surreptitiously poured half of it down the sink.  Then I pounded the end and went for a third.  Tyler whooped.

“Hey man, off day tomorrow,” I shrugged.

By the time we spooned out lasagna I had a pretty good buzz going.  Just enough to dull my reactions, give me a second to think about things before I said or did them.  When Allison reached out or hugged me, pulled her chair in close or reached over for the bread, I let her hand fall where it may.  Usually it was around the stem of her own glass.  All three girls were well on their way to drunk, as was Brooks.

“James, what’s with the new girl at work?  You guys friends back in Dallas?”

Allison turned her face up, her brown slightly furrowed.  TK gave me a similar look.  I took a small breath and was glad not to lie.  “Natalie.  We never really hung out.  Her dad was the coach, so she steered pretty clear of the players unless we were working.”

“Good luck doing that here,” he chomped another bite of food, then gave Amanda a playful one-armed hug.  “Fucking shark tank.”

“Yeah,” Kelsey agreed, giving Tyler a mush to the face.  “All the nice guys are taken.”

Despite my edginess, dinner was fun.  TK and Brooks were good company and the girls talked a mile a minute.  It was distraction enough not to wrench my leg away when Allison rubbed her thigh against mine.  Instead I reached for the bottle and refilled her wine more than once.  I nursed a beer until my plate was clear.

“Thanks Kels,” I said, setting plates next to the sink where she was scraping.  “Happy birthday.”

She wiped her hands and threw a hug around my waist, then giggled.  “Nice to have you around, Nealer.”

TK and Brooks and Amanda were tossed across the couches in the living room, watching the end of Old School with fresh drinks.  Allison patted the cushion next to her, but I couldn’t bring myself to cuddle.  Or have another beer.  Every moment I stayed here only made things worse.

“I’m pretty beat,” I said apologetically.  “I think I’m gonna head out.”

Allison’s expression clouded over, but I was saved from behind.  Kelsey walked in and slapped me on the ass.  She was just like Tyler.

“Big night tomorrow, Jimmy!  Get ‘yer beauty sleep.”

That was all the permission I needed.  Allison teetered to her feet, smiling sleepily.

“Want me to come over?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“I don’t want to ruin your night, I’m probably just going to sleep.”

She gave me a suggestive look.  “I could go to bed.”

I kissed her then, out of desperation.  I hated to lose the taste or feel of Natalie on my lips but the situation called for drastic measures.  To turn her down without sending her away.  

“Don’t let the old man wreck your fun,” I joked.  “Kelsey’s birthday is important, she wants you to stay.”

Over on the couch, Kelsey was asleep with her head on Tyler’s stomach.  I hoped Allison would pass out quickly too, and steered her toward the giant, comfy recliner.

“See you tomorrow,” she said.  I nodded for lack of better defense.
_